Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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