this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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