So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
