it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
