so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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