If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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