What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
