why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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