I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
