i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
