This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
