Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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