is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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