saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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