Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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