drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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