I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
