I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
