we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
