Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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