if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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