census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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