Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
