I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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