I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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