Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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