plz talk dirty to me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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