woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
