I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I supernannyed him into submission
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
