My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
