I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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