Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
