she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
