Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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