you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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