i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
