20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
