Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
