Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
soo... how was my night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
