I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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