i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
