Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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