What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
