I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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