peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This baby is an asshole
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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