I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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