Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
