I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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