Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
