Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
