Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
