i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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