i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she smelled like a LAN party
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
