it's like iHOP with fire
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
